Lesson 9

       Love does not delight in evil

Giving Ourselves Faithfully

Notes (The full text for the lesson)

 

We have studied a lot about what God’s design for sex is on Exciting True Love: the Truth Will Set You Free. Let’s get a picture of that by thinking about an imaginary couple we’ll call Isaac and Jane.

 

Isaac and Jane have a good marriage, and they make time for their relationship. So that they have enough time for just the two of them, they limit their commitments to family, church, and friends. Isaac and Jane have freedom in their sexual relationship, knowing God created it for them, as husband and wife, to enjoy.

 

Isaac has been a student of Jane, learning what touches and caresses give her pleasure, seeking to satisfy her before thinking of his sexual needs.  Jane is a great lover too.

 

Isaac’s also been willing to sit and talk with Jane about her day and her desires. She was the first person he called when he got that new job and she was also the first person that he called when he lost his job before that. They are open with each other and close to one another. They enjoy being together.  They are best friends.

 

Isaac and Jane have learned to say sorry when they have offended each other. When Jane is angry with Isaac, she doesn’t withhold sex from him, realizing that would not be helpful. No, because of grace and love, Jane gives her body to her husband.

 

Matter of fact, that is what would characterize their sexual relationship – a giving of enjoyment and pleasure to each other, a thoughtfulness about what the other person likes and is comfortable with. Never has Isaac demanded sex from Jane or expected her to do something that she isn’t comfortable doing. But also they are thoughtful of each other’s sexual needs and desires, and consider what the other asks.

 

Do you have a good picture of Isaac and Jane’s marriage?

 

Let’s look at it in light of a scripture in the Bible – Hebrews chapter 13 verse 4. It says:

 

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure

 

Isaac and Jane are honoring their own marriage. They consider their marriage important and do what is necessary to make sure their marriage is strong.

 

They treat each other with kindness and importance. Isaac considers Jane’s opinions and needs before his parents and his friends; and Jane does likewise.

 

When they have troubles, they seek to fix them. They use their sexual relationship to bring pleasure, comfort and enjoyment to the other.

 

Isaac and Jane not only honor their marriage but they also honor other people’ s marriages. Jane doesn’t use her body or words to attract the attention of other men, including those who are married. Isaac also doesn’t flirt.

 

Now let’s look again at that scripture in Hebrews chapter 13 verse 4:

 

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure

 

If the marriage bed is to be kept pure, that means that God saw it pure. The sexual relationship between a husband and wife and all the touching and caressing that goes along with that sexual relationship IS pure. Kujamiiana katika ndoa is pure.

 

That is why, when Isaac is thinking about his wife Jane, how beautiful her figure is, how he enjoys her touch and her response to his touch – those are pure thoughts! Those are thoughts God wants him to be thinking! Those are the ones that keep him from being so tempted by other women.

 

Yes, Sex between a husband and wife is pure. What makes it impure?

 

Let’s go back to that scripture from the Bible, Hebrews chapter 13 verse 4. It reads:

 

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

 

What makes the sexual relationship between a husband and wife impure? Adultery and sexual immorality!

 

We’ve been talking about this married couple, Isaac and Jane.  Suppose Isaac decides to invite a girl to a guesthouse. Suppose he has an affair.          Why would he do that?

 

 Oh, there are lots of reasons he could give:

“Jane is away and I “need” to have sex”, he may think.  Or

“We just had a child and Jane’s still really sore”. Or

“Jane hasn’t given me any children.”

 

Oh, there are any number of “reasons” people create to justify wrong behaviour. Why do I say wrong? Any sexual relationship that isn’t with your husband or wife is wrong. God gives no excuse for it.

 

Isaac is committing adultery. Wouldn’t it be sad if Isaac brought home HIV to his wife?

 

God, who desires the best for us, says “Don’t commit adultery” because He doesn’t want something to interfere with this great sexual relationship that is possible between a husband and wife. In Proverbs 5 [verses 18 and 19], the Bible says of husbands,

 

May you rejoice in your wife, may her breasts satisfy you always and may you ever be captivated by her love.

 

God also wants each husband to bring happiness to his wife and to think of her needs before his own. You can imagine how this is in the bedroom: the husband giving enjoyment to his wife before thinking of his own sexual needs.

 

God has many reasons to say “no” to sex outside of marriage, but surely it is not because He wants your sexual pleasure to be poor but because He wants it to be so incredible. Adultery or sexual immorality can never have the potential for pleasure that sex within marriage has. God didn’t make it that way.

 

Not only does God say we shouldn’t have sex with someone we aren’t married to, but in Matthew chapter 5 verses 27 and 28 Jesus says,

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

 

It’s like having an affair. See, once a person takes their eyes off their spouse, and begins looking around at another person as a sexual partner, they are taking steps towards an affair. When you are married, having sexual thoughts about someone you aren’t married to affects your marriage.

 

Let’s go back to our married couple Isaac and Jane. Suppose Jane starts noticing a guy at work named Simon. She allows herself to compare Isaac to Simon and Isaac just doesn’t seem as kind. Simon seems like he would be a much better husband.

 

Now do you suppose this thinking is going to affect Jane and Isaac’s sexual relationship? Yes, it is the first steps towards adultery. That thinking isn’t building up their marriage. It will be tearing it down.  In that kind of thinking, Jane is turning from her husband. In our marriages, we always need to be walking toward our spouse, or along with them. We must be cautious not to turn away from them.

 

Suppose Isaac starts thinking about other women. Suppose he allows his mind to undress women that he sees. Suppose he starts looking at pornography.  What evil is he going to introduce to the wonderful relationship he has with his wife, Jane?

 

Isaac is giving Satan the opportunity to tell Jane the lie that her body isn’t good enough to excite and satisfy him. Isaac is undermining her confidence in being a great lover to him. A wife who is confident in her ability to excite her husband, knowing that God made her body to satisfy him, is a great lover. Isaac’s looking at pornography and lusting after other women can destroy Jane’s confidence.

 

While Jane hasn’t changed at all, pretty soon she is not going to look so good to him. His sexual relationship with her isn’t going to be as good as it was.

 

However, if he confesses that sin [and] brings his thoughts back under control, what he will find is that Jane is going to look better and better to him. The blessing of this is that, when a husband turns his eyes back to his wife, not looking at other women, not thinking about them, not viewing and reviewing pornography – the blessing is, that the husband will see his wife as she is created to be – very sexually attractive to him.

 

A whole different idea: let’s say that Isaac and Jane aren’t looking at other people, just enjoying each other. Suppose they are finding their sexual relationship a bit boring and they decide to look at pornography because someone said that would give them ideas. What will that do to our good Isaac and his wife Jane?

 

Hebrews [chapter 13 verse 4] says that adultery and sexual immorality will affect the purity of the sexual relationship between a husband and wife. Pure sex is where there is the opportunity for the greatest pleasure.

 

Viewing pornography together is like an orgy, clearly forbidden in Romans chapter 13 verse 13. Pornography is like bringing a third person into the sexual relationship and that is always wrong, whether you are having an affair, thoughts of another, or through pornography. The only other person that should be invited to your love-making is God.

 

Look again at Hebrews chapter 13 verse 4

 

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

 

Sexual immorality, the sex that someone has before they are married, will affect the sex they have in marriage. Hmm…

 

Let’s look again at this married couple, Isaac and Jane. When they got married, God wanted them to have freedom, to enjoy each other sexually, to delight in the pleasures and enjoyment that they could give and receive from each other. In His mercy, God says “Don’t have sex with others. Do nothing that will interfere with that freedom.”

 

See, God has a feast planned for us when we are married. Would you think with me of a long table? It has a beautiful table cloth on it, like at a wedding. And it is laden with all your favorite foods. They are piled high: meats, fish and chicken, ugali, rice, pilau, vegetables, cheeses and  breads, fruits, cakes and chocolate. Delicious wonders for us to delight in.

 

God says this is yours for when you are married. Now we have the plate and spoon ready for it, for when we are married. And along comes Satan with ice cream container full [of something]. And he’s anxious to give you a spoonful now.

 

He’s saying things like, “Oh, you don’t have to wait. You can have this now [what is in his ice cream container] and that [feast] later. Oh, it’ll get you ready for that [feast]. What are you waiting for? Aren’t you a man? Come on, lady, don’t you want some gold and perfume? Here, have some of this great ice cream.”

 

What lies has Satan been telling you? And if you look at what he is wanting to serve you, it isn’t ice cream. Even though it is coming out of an ice cream container, it’s dirt, worms, maggots, trash mixed with broken glass. And he’s saying that it won’t affect you later……!

 

Not only does he do that to us when we aren’t married, when we are married and we find that we get stuck at the pilau, Satan tempts us with his ice cream container and says, “Come, try some of my great food for something different.”

 

Don’t listen to him! His dirt, worms and broken glass are going to affect you, your spouse, and your sexual relationship.

 

Instead, look around at the feast the Lord has provided for you, delight in your spouse, try something new [with them!]. Thank God for the husband/for the wife that you have and the opportunity He has given you for a magnificent relationship with them. Worship God by honoring your marriage.

 

Make the choice. God in His mercy says “no” to sex outside of a marriage relationship because He wants the best for you. It’s a table heavy, full with a great feast.

 

 

Afterword:

The sexual relationship in marriage, and all the touching and caressing that is a part of it, is pure.  Kujamiiana katika ndoa ni tendo takatifu!

 

Please join us next week on our last session of Exciting True Love to learn how you can be set free.

Lessons:

Lessons:

Rounded Rectangle: 2. Love never fails.       Giving lifelong love
Rounded Rectangle: 1. Love comes from God. Gods gift to us
Rounded Rectangle: 4. Love rejoices in the truth. Giving pleasure
Rounded Rectangle: 5. Love is patient.            Giving and forgiving
Rounded Rectangle: 6. Love is kind.              Giving love in action
Rounded Rectangle: 7. Love as Christ loved. Giving as Christ gave
Rounded Rectangle: 8. Love is not self seeking. Giving our bodies
Rounded Rectangle: 10. Love always hopes. Receiving God’s purity and power
Rounded Rectangle: 3. Love does not delight in evil. Giving ourselves
Rounded Rectangle: 9. Love does not delight in evil. Giving ourselves

Love Does Not Delight in Evil       Giving Ourselves Faithfully

Hebrews 13: Keeping the marriage bed pure; avoiding harm

Hebrews 13:4

On this page:

· Bible Verses

· Full text

 

 

 

 

Bible Verses

Hebrews 13:4 (New International Version)

Marriage should be honored by all,

And the marriage bed kept pure.

for God will judge the adulterer

and all the sexually immoral.

 

Proverbs 5:18-19 (New International Version)

May your fountain be blessed, and

may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

A loving doe, a graceful deer -

may her breasts satisfy you always,

may you ever be captivated by her love.

 

Matt 5:27-28 (New International Version)

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

 

Romans 13:13 (New International Version)

Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy.

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