Lesson 3

       Love Always Protects

Giving Happiness

Love Always Protects                      Giving Happiness

Deuteronomy 24: Learning the skill of bringing happiness to your wife

Deuteronomy 24:5,              Genesis 2:18

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· Bible Verses

· Full text






Bible Verses

Deuteronomy 24:5 (New International Version)

If a man has recently married,

he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him.

For one year he is to be free to stay at home

and bring happiness to the wife he has married.


Genesis 2:18 (New International Version)

18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Notes (The full text for the lesson)


In the past weeks on Exciting True Love: The Truth Will Set You Free we discovered that sex and all that accompanies it (kujamiiana), that God created it only for a husband and wife to enjoy (katika ndoa tu).


Last week in Proverbs 5:18-19 we read that it is God’s will that the kujamiiana katika ndoa be so wonderful that a husband would not only be satisfied with but be rejoicing always in his wife and their sexual relationship.



You’re here with Nancy Crane on Exciting True Love: The Truth Will Set You Free. Today we are looking at a law that was written in ancient times when the Israelites were entering the Promised Land.


There were many battles taking place at this time, as people were living in that land.  Think about that as we read Deuteronomy 24:5 in the Bible. It reads:


If a man has recently married,

he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him.

For one year he is to be free to stay at home

and bring happiness to the wife he has married.


Bring happiness to his wife? What would bring happiness to a wife? Ask women; they’ll tell you:


Listening to her, valuing her ideas, needs and wants;

Being gentle, kind and considerate of her will bring her happiness;

Praising her beauty, complimenting her cooking, saying “thank you” for the things she does for you;

Helping her with her washing, sweeping, whatever;

Sending an SMS to her that speaks of your thinking and loving her, that you are proud of her:


that will bring her happiness.


Another way to bring your wife happiness is by spending time with the children when you get home from work instead of turning on the TV, taking an interest in them.


I asked a girl who is in college what characteristics she wants in a husband and she said,


“Someone who will sit with me and tell me what is happening in his life, the good things as well as the difficult and bad things; someone who will share his heart with me. I also want him to listen to me talk about my day and how I feel, what is on my heart.”


I think this would bring happiness to all women.


Now I think this bringing happiness to the wife a man has married also includes, sexual happiness. What do you think? A wife is supposed to receive enjoyment, happiness in the romantic, sexual touch, and play with her husband (kujamiiana katika ndoa) . God wants a husband to bring sexual happiness to his wife. A wife is to enjoy sex and all the sexual fun that leads up to it!


That isn’t good news not only for women, but for men as well. It is very sexually exciting to a husband to be able to touch his wife in ways that give her happiness, that give her pleasure and to bring her to fulfillment.


A dear friend, Fielden Alison, who along with his wife Janet have written excellent books including, An Exciting Marriage: An Answer for AIDS, said,


“Men deprive themselves of a lot of pleasure sexually because they think only of themselves.”


See, if a husband just climbs on his wife, has sex, without ever preparing her by touching her in gentle, loving ways that excite and prepare her, ways that bring her happiness, he won’t have nearly the pleasure that God planned for the sexual relationship. Certainly that wife won’t either.


Now women and girls, we are called to be helpmates, helper companions to our husbands. That is what we are called in Genesis 2 in the Bible. So when you are married, you help your husband learn how to bring you pleasure by moving his hand to do what feels good, by telling him: “Hmmm.. I like that! No, here!”  I’ve embarrassed you. Well, whisper it in his ear, if it is embarrassing to you to talk about it. Give him ideas by the sounds you make, or the movement in your body.


Help your husband. We women are ever changing in what brings us pleasure. What feels good one minute might be annoying the next. Help your husband bring you sexual happiness, enjoyment. Teach him so he can bring you to fulfillment. Be a good helpmate to him.


This is very important to God. He told the newly-married men to stay at home for one year – at a time when there were wars taking place, when in many ways, we would have expected them to be needed on the battlefield.


And yet God told them to stay at home to bring happiness to the wife they had married. And not only were they not to be sent to war, but they weren’t to have any other duty given to them. They might have been one of the few strong men left in the village, while all the other men were out fighting and still no other duty was to be given them.


I’d say that this skill of “bringing happiness to the wife a man has married” is very important to God.


Also, since this is an entire year that a man is to be practicing this skill of bringing happiness to his wife, that means that God wanted this to be a habit in the husband. God didn’t just say, “Go off with your wife for a couple days or a week and bring this wife of yours happiness.”


No, that would be fun and I highly encourage it, but it would not have formed the habit of bringing happiness to a man’s wife. Being kind to his wife, loving her, listening to her, admiring her, valuing her as well as discovering what touches and caresses she likes, giving her sexual enjoyment, bringing her to fulfillment, week in and week out for an entire year, would form these behaviours into habits.


Men, I want you to remember that you bring happiness to your wife when you approach sex with the attitude of, “What can I do that will bring her pleasure? How can I touch her, caress her, speak with her in ways that will make HER feel great?” That will bring you great sexual pleasure too.


For your wife, happiness in sex begins in the morning when you speak to her gently, with understanding; when you talk with her, listening to her, valuing her; when you admire her body, her clothes, her hair; when you thank her for the food that she has prepared for you, the time she spends with the children. Notice your wife, and how your interactions affect her.

For example: “Rachel” has been thinking about her husband, “Jacob”.  She has some great plans for later, after the children are in bed. She has been cooking Jacob’s favorite foods, she’s put on clean clothes, has everything in order. But when Jacob sits down to eat, his only comment is, “This food’s cold.” Not only is the food not hot, but now her blood’s not hot either and it had been boiling for Jacob all day!


If you have offended your wife or hurt her feelings, reconcile with her. When you are kind and considerate, not harsh or thoughtless with your wife, it is much easier for her to be prepared to receive enjoyment from you in bed that night. These actions create the atmosphere for great sex. And God wants great sex for a husband and wife.


Wouldn’t you say, according to this scripture in the Bible, that it is very important to God for a husband to be a great lover to his wife? Remember that: it is important to God that a husband is a good lover to his wife.  This is the same God who says, “Don’t have sex with anyone you aren’t married to.” God doesn’t want you to ruin your skills of being a great lover by having sex with women you aren’t married to.


But what about if you going to get married in just a couple of weeks? Don’t have sex until you are married. Let me repeat myself.   Men: God wants you to be a great lover to your wife, He wants you to have great sex and He wants nothing that is going to interfere with that.


I am often asked, “Nancy, what if I get married and don’t have any sexual experience?” God doesn’t want you to have any! And your skills as a lover to your wife are very important to God. God intends you to develop those skills WHEN you are married – and you can ask for His help in doing that.


These are wonderful prayers: “Lord, help me to know how to bring happiness to my wife today when we are alone.” That’s praying according to God’s will. You just see how he answers them!


It is interesting that the newly-married men were to stay at home one year, not just until his wife conceived and got pregnant. The sexual relationship between a husband and wife is spoken of more for pleasure than procreation in the Bible. Isn’t that interesting?  Yes, the law in Deuteronomy was for a husband to bring happiness to his wife (sexual pleasure and otherwise).  Interesting!


Some girls have asked me, “Nancy, how do I know if this guy will satisfy me sexually if I don’t have sex with him before we are married?”


Girls: it is God’s will that your husband bring happiness to you.  I suggest that you marry someone who wants to follow God’s will, and depends on the Lord to help him do just that. God, the creator of sex, makes it very clear that you mess it up when you have sex when you aren’t married.


Now, do we need to obey this law in Deuteronomy 24:5 in the Bible, today? Do men need to stay at home for the first year of their marriage to learn well these skills of bringing happiness to the wife that they have married? This law was written for a “hard-hearted people”, Jesus called them.  It was needed to make a hard-hearted people into a good society, with good families, good marriages. I don’t think you need to follow it, but you decide for yourself. Either way, I think we had better take these principles from it:


That bringing happiness to your wife, sexually and otherwise, is very important to God.


And it had better be important to us. Men: ask God to teach you how to bring her happiness and obey God. Start listening for things that your wife says she would like you to do. Do them, if it is at all reasonable.

Women: help your husbands to know what brings you happiness, gently and without nagging. Most husbands will thrill to have a wife who gives him ideas sexually that would give her happiness/pleasure.




We need to make a priority of our sexual relationship when we are married.


We need to make sure we have time for it. If God told these men to stay at home one year, God thought it was a priority. I often wonder if we shouldn’t encourage newly married couples to help less at church, to come to fewer of the family funerals and weddings, so that they have plenty of time alone.


Before someone marries, it is good to be very busy with outside activities, but after they are married, I think we need to give them some time off – maybe a year. It’s just an idea.


Men who obey God’s will should have the most happy, most satisfied wives. These women should be glowing under the love and the care from husbands who bring them happiness.


What a picture we are getting of marriage from the Bible – a woman whose husband brings her happiness (sexually and otherwise) and a husband who rejoices in his wife, whose body satisfies him always and is ever captivated by her sexual embrace!


God created sex for marriage, and He also created marriage. This is what He wants for your marriage. Because of who He is, God will help this be true in your marriage. Ask Him, listen and obey. I suppose God should know what He is talking about!




Can a husband really learn to bring happiness to his wife when they are living apart? Will he really develop the habits of valuing her, loving her, and sexually exciting her if they are not together? I would recommend that married couples do everything possible to live together.


Husbands, it is never too late to learn these excellent habits. No man has mastered these. When you are wanting to change, to become more the husband God wants you to be, go to God in prayer, quietly and alone. Tell Him your situation and ask God to help you. He will.


Next week on Exciting True Love, we will be looking at the freedom a husband and wife have in their sexual relationship. Whether you are married or not, you don’t want to miss it!

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Rounded Rectangle: 2. Love never fails.       Giving lifelong love
Rounded Rectangle: 1. Love comes from God. Gods gift to us
Rounded Rectangle: 4. Love rejoices in the truth. Giving pleasure
Rounded Rectangle: 5. Love is patient.            Giving and forgiving
Rounded Rectangle: 6. Love is kind.              Giving love in action
Rounded Rectangle: 7. Love as Christ loved. Giving as Christ gave
Rounded Rectangle: 9. Love does not delight in evil. Giving ourselves
Rounded Rectangle: 8. Love is not self seeking. Giving our bodies
Rounded Rectangle: 10. Love always hopes. Receiving God’s purity and power
Rounded Rectangle: 3. Love does not delight in evil. Giving ourselves

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